Thursday, 23 June 2011

The Fairy Tale Were Told As Children...

As a child and even now as an adult, we all read the books and watch the films where a damsel in distress meets a handsome Prince and they fall in love. We are made to believe that this is how it happens in real life but the reality is, its far from true. So why are we told these stories?
In my opinion it's so we still have hope that a happy ending can happen for each of us, even after we find out what a cruel world it is. But aren't we just setting ourselves up for disappointment when we realise we won't get a happy ending like the fairy tales.
I always believed there was a thing as 'true love' and 'the one'. That you would find this person and you love them like no other and no will ever compare to them. Well I've been madly in love and care deeply for this person so does that mean I will never have love again, will I not meet 'the one', have I had my one chance at true love and lost it?
All these questions have been going through my head lately and am wondering what this means for my love life. No one should settle less than they deserve. I want a romance like the movies show us but the reality is that this doesn't happen often. So how do I go about meeting my future husband. I don't want to be obsessed with finding him, yet at the same time I don't want to sit back and miss him.
It irritates me that were made to believe there's one person for everyone. I no longer think this is true. We will love before we met our perfect partner and there's a chance we'll love after them.
Love is everywhere and won't be found in just one person!
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Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Fall In Love When Your Ready...

Love is such special thing and it doesn't come around often so should be grabbed with both hands. The only thing is YOU need to be ready to let love in. I have been dating a few different guys for a few months now. Some of the dates haven't gone past the first date and some have. I am one of them people that likes to have an instant spark with someone and if its not there, then theres a chance it never will be.
One of the guys I was dating turned out to have a secret girlfriend so I haven't seen him since I found out. I met another guy, the guy of my dreams and I hope we can properly reconnect in the future because at the moment our lives are in different places and it wouldn't of worked. Another guy I have been dating was a set up by a friend of mine and he is the guy that this blog revolves around.
I started dating him and like I said at the start I like to have a instant spark with someone but unfortunately there wasn't one. It was a blind date and when I first saw him I wasn't that keen and then we got talking and we got on that well that I decided to continue dating him to see where this would lead. We got on well and conversation flowed and we always text daily, and I started to enjoy myself. I didn't see myself having a future with him but I thought he could be MR RIGHT NOW and you never know the NOW might just disappear one day and he could of become Mr Right. This is very unlikely that this will ever happen though as I don't feel that way about him so I was extremely put off when he started telling me the way he was feeling.
I had even known this guy a month when he started saying I could be the one for him and that he had found his dream girl. I don't feel the same and am not looking to settle down now, am just wanting to play around. I told him it wasn't going to work out and that we shouldn't see each other anymore. I didn't want to continue seeing him and lead him on, am not that sort of person and I couldn't see us having a future. Unfortunately he didn't take it too well and he keeps trying to get me back.
I said at the start 'love doesn't come around often so grab it with both hands', well this is true but you need to be ready to let love in and you have to feel the same way. I had the chance to be loved again but I wouldn't feel the benefits of love as I wouldn't feel that way and its not the same. I have realised that even though I am dating, I really am not ready to let love back into my life again.
One day love will come knocking and I will be ready to the answer door.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Follow Your Dreams...

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while I have been trying to figure a few things out with life. I am now on TWITTER at @FaithLoveHopeG.

It can be hard to be happy and content with what you have sometimes in life. As a child I had this dream of my perfect job, my perfect house and my perfect partner. I have the perfect job and the perfect house, just not the partner. I am happy without the boyfriend though as I don't currently want one or need one to make my life happy. I found with my last partner that he held me back from things I wanted to do in life and now I don't have anyone to please other than myself and I love that.
I know I should be happy with everything I have, as most people work a life time to have the things I have but theres something missing. I have achieved my goal and dream but unfortunately I now don't feel happy with it all, as I now don't know what am living for. I love my friends and family so much but I don't think this life is what I want anymore. I know that it will upset so many people if I just pack up my life and leave to see what else is out there in the world but I really want to go travelling.
I worked hard for everything I have and I think one of the reasons I am disappointmented with it is because the one person I really wanted to be proud of me was my Ex, and he was never able to be as he was jealous of what I had achieved while he was unable to even start working on his dreams. I know I shouldn't let his opinion still bug me but its hard when you know that someone out there recents you for achieving your dream.
I now have a new dream... I am going to sell the life I currently have now and go travelling. Then when I get back (if I do come back) I will create the dream I currently have and get back to this life but in the future I will also have the husband and children I dream of.
If something isn't right in life change it. Follow your dreams...

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Can't Get You Out Of My Head

Ever since I met that guy I mentioned in my last blog, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Everything I see around me and on tv reminds me of him and makes me think of him. It's so strange, I haven't felt like this in ages. Although I have been unable to stop thinking of him, I still haven't got round to texting him and asking him when he's free to meet again.
Am starting to think the reason that I am so useless at messaging potential boyfriends back is because deep down I am scared of getting hurt. I just never realised until I met that certain someone. Well I need to take my own advise and arrange to meet him. What's the worst that will happen.... He might so NO so what its not going to kill me. Right am going to text him.. Wish me luck :)

Love: you can get you heart broken or live the greatest love story with world has ever known but you will never know if you don't try.
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Thursday, 5 May 2011

Lots Of New Potential Boyfriends

I havent been about to blog since my last blog as you can tell from the title I have met a few potential boyfriends. When I say I've met a few guys I mean 10 guys in total. Am suprised myself at how many guys are interested in me. I don't think I have ever had this many guys all at the same time. Maybe I've turned from the ugly duckling until the beautiful swan.
Even though I do have a lot of guys interested in me, it doesn't mean am interested in all of them. Infact I only actually like one of them and see myself been with someone like him in the future. I have always said to my friends that when I meet the right guy I will know instantly and I did know from the second I saw him. We had grown up together as children and when we got older we both got on with our own lives. We recently bumped into each other in the pub and have been in contact since. I think this guy definately has potential to be my future boyfriend.
Am not wanting to settle down with just one person though at the moment and (lets call him adam) adam is currently living a couple of hours away but will eventually be moving back to my town when he has completed his studying. For me this a great opportunity, I have someone that see myself maybe spending my life with but before we settle down we both to get have fun and live our lives how we want for another couple of years.
I am also talking to the other 9 guys as I dont want to rule anyone out just yet. I need to go out and have fun and met other guys so that when I do settle down I know its with the right person and that I made the right decision been with them. I don't want to settle down too young and then live my life thinking 'but what if I'd met someone else'. I know quite a few people that settled down young and they have grown to resent there partner as they feel like their missing out on life. It has also lead to many affairs some of which their partners have found out about and the only reason they stay together is because of houses and children they have together. To me this is how life should be, I know life isn't a fairy tale but staying with someone because its the safe option and would be completed to split up is not the way life should be. I felt like that with my ex, I thought it would be completed to leave him and everyone would hate me for messing things up but it turns out everyone supported me as know one wanted to see me spend my life with someone I didnt know anymore.
So by putting myself out there and having a good time I have a met lets of new guys. Its all about enjoying yourself and been happy then the rest falls into place easier.

Monday, 11 April 2011

New Guy Now Old

Well I met a new guy. He seemed so nice it was untrue, he was caring and thoughtful and new what a girl wanted. It was a dream come true. We went out for food and drinks many times and chatted away. The conversation flowed easy and we laughed away.
I was finally happy and was starting to see myself with someone else and a future together. He text always going on about seeing me again and that he looked forward to it. He said he hadnt been with someone in a while and mentioned that it had always been on and off with his ex but it hadn't been on in ages.
Well today I found out everything he said had been a lie. He completely played me. The girl he mentioned as his ex isn't his ex, she is infact his girlfriend of 7 years. So in the last 5months I have been the girl that was cheated on and now I have also been the other girl. I just feel cheated out of love again.
Hopefully I have kissed enough frogs now so next time I will meet Prince Charming.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Another Weekend...

This has been another eventful weekend. I was out on Friday as I usually am. I can normally been found in my local pubs on Fridays. Well I had said I wasn't going to drink on Friday as I work on Saturdays. This I changed my mind when I got out, well it wasn't all my chose. I was bought a drink when I got the 1st pub and then when I arrived at the second my friend had bought me a bottle of wine. It was a great night. I was introduced to a guy and we have been talking since. So watch this space...
I was out in the city on Saturday night with the girls for a friends birthday. As normal we all got ready at one house and had a few drinks before we went out. It was a fab night, we totally danced the night away. We were all so busy dancing that we didn't even drink when we was out. You don't need to drink lots when your out, its all about who your with and having a good time.
I would like to the wonderful friends and people I met this weekend for making it a weekend to remember. Love ya all x

Friday, 25 March 2011


I need to take some time for myself and figure out what am wanting in life and what am looking for. There is no point in dating and then getting involved in a relationship if its not what I want and if am not going to be around long.
I just don't want to make the same mistake again like I did with my ex. My dad says am too nice and trusting and that scares me that I could just get walked over all over again. I didn't have a clue what was happening and going on behind my back because I didn't think I had to reason not to trust him.
I don't want to make another mistake and rush into things too fast. I want to go into a relationship thinking it might last, I don't see the point in entering a relationship thinking 'its only a matter of time before it ends'. I don't be alone but am not going to rush into anything. I don't want to make another stupid mistake and end up in pointless and meaningless relationship, its not worth the heartache.
I can't complain too much about whats happened because if I did that would be like saying 'I don't like the life I have now'. I love the life I have now and I know for a fact I wouldn't have the things in it if I had never not get involved with him. I wouldn't change my life for anything. I love it and I love the people in it.

Have a listen to this song below, its a few years old but I like it.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011


SCREAMING is a great wait to release emotions inside you. I like screaming for no reason, it makes me feel alive. Just try it, Scream as loud as you can and just let it all out. Don't you feel good for doing that?!?!

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Don't cry for someone who won't cry for you...

It can be easy to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself when someone hurts you but really what is it going to change?!?! It isn't going to change whats happened and really do you feel good about yourself while your sat there crying? Well the answers no. You need to pull yourself together and show them and the world what your made of. Crying is a good release of your emotions and it can make you feel a bit better but only of you open up and true to yourself. You can't live life by yourself so don't be afraid to let the people close to you see you cry, they are there to help.
Once you've have a good cry about everything that has happened, get up and have a lovely warm shower and put on some nice clean clothes and you'll feel refreshed and ready to face the world.
I learnt my lesson and so have many of friends thats its not worth staying hiden away and feeling sorry for yourself when the person that hurt you doesn't even car about what they have done.
If they don't realise that they hurt you and apologise then they are not worth your tears. I will cry for someone that doesn't feel the same back. I am happier with a smile on my face and thats how I live my life. There's not a day that doesn't go by when I don't smile.
Someone once told me 'a smile can save a life' and believe its true. Just smiling at the person your passing on the street can make there day, its gives them that little bit of hope that everythigns going to be ok and the worlds not such a scary place.
So instead of crying, SMILE and a save a life :-) plus it will certainly confuss the person that hurt you about why your so happy.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Well I finally signed up for internet dating... its so strange. I signed up 2 days ago. I had to fill all my details about my longest relationship, what am looking for, and my interested. Plus the usual height, hair colour, age...
Within 10 minutes of my profile live on the site, I had guys already emailing. I had about 20 guys contact me that me and only 2 of them appealed to me. I started talking to them guys but it just didn't feel right. Later that night I came across an old friend who is friends with my ex. I didn't want my ex to find out I was there so I blocked his friend. I don't want him to think am desperate, he will think its funny.
I stayed on the site until today. I had a lot of guys email me but none of them are what am looking for. I don't want to meet someone that way so I deleted my account today. Am really not sure what am looking for, so how can I expect to meet someone when I don't even know myself what I want.
The thing is I had everything I thought I wanted, the boyfriend, the house, my dream job but now am back to been single I have realised that isn't what I want. Its something I thought I wanted but I got it all at the tender age of 20 and now I don't want it.
The thing is when I had it I was happy but now I don't have it, I am the happiest I have ever been and everyone has noticed a difference. When things got serious all the dreams of travelling disappeared and I don't want that. I want to achieve my dreams and then settle down.
So I am no longer internet dating and I am going to achieve my dreams and start planning on travelling. :)

Sunday, 13 March 2011


I have just got back to a weekend away with the girls to Amsterdam. It was such a laugh and we can now say we have done the Amsterdam Experience. We went to the 'Sex Museum' which was showing us the history of sex in pictures. I didn't realise they took porno-graphic photos all the way back to the 1840's.
We had a wonder around the sex shops, which was a laugh with a bit of confussion at how the size of some of the toys could even fit where they are ment to go. I certainly won't be buying any of those.
We went to see a Live Sex Show. During the show we learnt how to light a room with a candle and our vagina, how to write on a guys chest holding the pen with our vagina, and that we need to be more flexible. So we now have some stuff to practice and see if we can do it. Who came up with these ideas though, waking up one day and thinking 'I am going to learn how to write using my vagina'. Its crazy.
We had a walk down the street with the girls in the window trying to entice guys, it was so strange. Then we went to one of the many of the 'coffee shops' that they have in Amsterdam. None of us had ever done drugs before but we thought while were Amsterdam we may as well get the full experience. We all bought a chocolate cake each that contained Marijuana. The cakes were lovely. I had a really good experience, I was chilled out and really giggly but unfortunately one of my friends didn't have a good experience. She was extremely paranoid and couldnt relax and enjoy herself. She kept looking like she was wanting to kill me because I had the giggles. She was even planning on how to kill me at one point and had to keep repeating, 'don't kill her, don't kill her'. 
It is such a different life style to what we have in England. The jobs they do and the drugs the take. I have now experienced Amsterdam to the full and would recommend everyone to go at least once in there life.

A photo of the Red Light District

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Nearly Four Months On and You Can Still Hurt Me...

Its a georgous day outside, the sun is shining and summer is on its way, what more can you want on a glorious sunday.
I had a bit of late night last night (or early morning if you want to call it that). I got to bed at 8 in the morning after been out with friends to have a good dance and giggle on a saturday night. After a few hours sleep I woke and had a look through all last nights pictures on my camera. We seemed to get a bit camera happy when we was in the car. Lots of random pictures.
I told my friend I would give her my cameras memory card so she can put the pictures onto her computer. So I decided to delete a lot of old pictures that I never got to deleting in the past. There were ones of me and my ex on holiday and I thought it was about time they got deleted. Thats my past and I don't to need to have them pictures on camera anymore. I have the pictures on my computer so if I do ever want to look back on past in the future then I still can. As I was deleting pictures I came across some pictures I hadn't seen before. They were from a night out my ex went on the week before we broke up. As I was looking at the pictures, I recognised a girl within the pictures... It was the girl I found in my bed the following week.
So not only did my ex cheat on me, he used my camera to take pictures of them together. I wouldn't have the cheek to do that and don't know how he did. Its extremely in sensitive... did he think I wasn't ever going to see them?!?!
This was the 1st time since the day I found him in bed with her girl, that I actually cried. Its been nearly 4 months and I thought I was over it. I then got upset with myself for letting him still effect me like this. After a long cry in bed and lots of texts to my good friend. I realised it was a beautiful day out and I wasn't going to waste it in bed by myself. So I got up, swung the curtains open and let the glorious sun into the house.
I put my music on loud and had a dance around my room while I got dressed for the day ahead. I really enjoyed myself and am happy again and am not letting them pictures affect me anymore :)
I uploaded last nights pictures to the computer and had a laugh at them.
I love it when the sun is out because it makes everything better. Thing just seems so much prettier and you get that feeling that things are going to be ok. I have spent the day with my family and we are just waiting for our dinner to finish cooking and all tuck into some lovely food.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Internet Dating...

I haven't really thought much about internet dating as I am only 21 and consider it to be a last resort. But today one of my clients was telling me how she got back into dating after her 15 year relationship ended. She lost her confidence when it came to talking to new guys and flirting, which is understandable after spending so long with someone. And this is my problem, I don't no how to talk to guys and flirt, I am shy around new people.
I have never been on a proper date. Yes me and my ex did you go out but most of the time we was with other people so I never had them butterflies and nerves your get when you go meet someone for the 1st time by yourself. I think this is what scares me about meeting someone on the internet because when you meet someone on a night out or through friends, you have already seen them and know you get along face to face but it could be a complete disaster if you've never met them before.
I have also thought internet dating was for losers that couldn't meet anyone but lets face it, I am one of them, I haven't met anyone that I like yet. I was told that it can give you a right confidence boost talking to these guys and meeting up with them for a coffee. A confidence boost is what I really need at moment especially seeing my ex with another girl. How does he do it?!?! I want to find it as easy as him to meet someone else.
Well I am going on a couple of nights this weekend and then amsterdam the weekend after. I think if I haven't met anyone by the time I get back, I am going to sign up on the dating websites. Whats the worst that can happen?!?!

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

You Again...

The reason me and Ex split up was because I wasn't the girl for him. I found this out by finding him with another girl in my bed. The worst I could possible see and an image I can never erase from my mind.
I was with my friends recently when were talking and I was saying 'although am happy being single, I would find it hard seeing him with another girl.' My friend Emma started laughing and said 'you have already seen that, he was in bed with her.' I started laughing I never thought of it like that, I had already seen the thing that could hurt me the most so seeing him in the pub with someone else shouldn't bother me as much.
Today I saw him with another girl. It did hurt me and I felt like someone had just taken the wind out of me. I wasn't expecting to see him so it was a shock to see him and then to see him with another girl was even more of a shock.
The thing is that's the 2nd girl (or 3rd if you include me) that he is in a relationship with in the last 3 months. He's just going from girl to girl. Well he can date as many girls as he likes but he will never find anyone like me.
He can have as much meaningless sex as he likes but am going to find TRUE LOVE. True love does exist and it will take time and work to keep it but am going to find it :-)
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Monday, 28 February 2011

Someone Like You...

Were all trying to find that one person to love unconditionally and for them to love us back. I found that person and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together but I was wrong. He may have been everything that I hoped for but I wasnt the girl for him. I am lucky that I got to spend three years of my life with him, its just a shame on how I had to find out I wasn't the girl for him.
Many people ask if I regret been in a relationship with him but the thing is I don't. I could never regret it. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it hadn't of happened. I have learnt so much about love and myself. Yes I did get my heartbroken and it felt like I was dying but I didn't die that day, that was the day my life changed and for the better (I hope).
I want to meet someone that will treat me right just like he used too. Look after me when am ill and I will do the same for him. I want someone that will support me in my crazy adventures and be stood by me when my dreams come true. I don't want the guy I got to know at the end of our relationship, he was a lying cheat and I will never understand that side of him. That wasn't the guy I fell in love with. NO ONE DESERVES TO HAVE THAT HAPPEN TO THEM.
I may have had my heartbroken but thats not going to stop me loving again. Love is worth the pain and that saying 'its better to have loved and lost than to never experience love' is so true.
I do still wonder from time to time what he is doing and if he misses me and thinks about me (probably not). Adeles song 'someone like you' is perfect to describe how I feel and so many peoeple will be able to relate to it. It makes me emotional everytime I listen it. (I really need to go out and buy her album).
My ex did meet someone else that he thought was better suited for him than me. She can give him things that I never could. Which is a shame but I guess thats just life. I just have to accept that I wasn't the girl for him and continue my search to find THE ONE. Hopefully I will have better luck next time.

If you haven't listened 'someone like you', go listen to it now :)